About half of all American adults (48%, according to a Marist poll
taken in December) say they are at least somewhat likely to make a New Year's resolution this year. Their top vows: to lose weight (19%), quit smoking (12%) and exercise more (10%). Sound familiar?
The
Marist poll also found that while 65% of people who made a resolution
in 2008 kept their promise for at least part of the following year, 35%
never even made it out of the gate. Indeed, when you wake bleary-eyed
on the first day of a new year - or decade - resolutions to "cut back"
and "moderate" seem both an excellent idea and an impossibly hazy
dream. Thus begins another spin on the New Year's resolution
merry-go-round.
But
there may be hope for resolution-makers yet. Addiction experts have
found that even hard-core addicts can successfully break bad habits -
by cutting back, instead of quitting altogether. That means adhering to
a regimen of moderation rather than total abstinence. So whatever your
ultimate goal for 2010, experts suggest success may depend on tempering
your behavior, not aiming for temperance, and offer the following tips.
1. Don't Kid Yourself
'The most important thing is to be honest with yourself,' says Howard Josepher, a former heroin addict and president of Exponents Inc.,
an organization that provides support and educational services to
people with substance misuse issues. "You need to know the difference
between enjoying yourself and self-medicating. It's not that
self-medicating is necessarily bad - but you should give yourself
parameters. If you are adhering to them, O.K. If not, you need to check
yourself."
Successful
moderators decide in advance how much is 'too much' - and stick to
their limit, no matter what. Have a cookie a day, if that's what you've
deemed acceptable. But if you 'cheat' by having 'just one more,' know
that you are only cheating yourself and exacerbating the problem,
experts say. The point is to learn how to hold yourself accountable.
For those who are concerned about drinking in particular, a free, research-based online tool called Drinker's Checkup can help you determine whether you are drinking at unhealthy levels, and what to do if you are.
2. Quit Cold Turkey - Temporarily
'Theoretically,
there are very good reasons to take a break from a behavior, totally,'
says Reid Hester, director of research at Behavior Therapy Associates,
explaining that an initial period of complete abstinence can make it
easier for people to moderate behavior, by eliminating the habitual,
automatic aspect of the unwanted activity.
Take a cue from the self-help group Moderation Management (MM),
which advises problem drinkers to abstain completely for a month before
attempting moderate drinking. If you can't achieve a month of
abstinence, the thinking goes, successful moderation is unlikely.
The
best way to stay on course is frequent self-monitoring; use as many
behavior-modification tools, support groups and programs as you can. In
October, Hester and colleagues published a randomized controlled trial
in the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment
comparing heavy drinkers who used MM's website to help them quit with
those who used the MM site plus another online tool, which teaches
behavior-control tactics and helps chart drinking. While both groups
significantly reduced their drinking and alcohol-related problems, the
group that used the additional tool had more days abstinent and drank
less when they drank.
3. Do What the Dalai Lama Would Do
Alan Marlatt, director of the Addictive Behaviors Research Center at the University of Washington,
studies "mindfulness-based relapse prevention," which uses meditation
and other ideas from Buddhist teachings to help people break bad
habits.
'Between
stimulus and response, there's a space, and in that space is our power
to choose our response, and in our response lies our growth and
freedom,' says Marlatt, quoting author and Holocaust survivor Victor
Frankl. Marlatt says, 'Mindfulness gets you into that space.'
Being
mindful may involve traditional meditation, in which you sit quietly
and observe your thoughts and breathing without judgment. But here, it
is also used to focus awareness on thoughts and feelings that lead to
unwanted behavior. Simply recognizing the triggers to relapse can help
you choose not to give into them. 'When there's a fork in road, craving
is pulling you one way. Well, what's the other way? You have to look
down other road see where it takes you. Then, you have a choice,
instead of being on autopilot,' says Marlatt.
One
tactic he recommends for resisting those cravings is called 'urge
surfing.' It involves being mindful of the fact that craving is like a
wave - it rises to a peak, then falls. This happens whether you yield
to the urge or not, though most people erroneously think their craving
will escalate endlessly, unless they give in. In fact, succumbing to
cravings only reinforces them - resisting, in contrast, reinforces
resistance. Marlatt advises watching your urge, noting its peak and
'surfing' it, rather than allowing it to wipe you out.
Another
trick to recognize is that willpower is like a muscle - it gets
stronger with appropriate use, but ultimately weakens if overloaded.
That's why Hester recommends setting short-term goals that are
'moderately difficult, realistic, concrete and measurable.' As with
weight-lifting, starting at a level that is challenging but not
overwhelming can provide a sense of achievement and success - which can
give you the drive to take on bigger challenges.
4. Don't Try to Scare Yourself Straight
Research shows that in the long term, the pleasure of victory is a
better incentive than the agony of defeat. 'Punishment is a poor
motivator,' says Hester. 'It sets people up for failure. If all you do
is punish yourself for failure, you won't stay motivated to change for
very long.'
Instead, reward yourself for sticking to your limits and focus on the
benefits of changing. For instance, if your goal is to drink less or
lose weight, treat yourself to something you want - a new book or DVD,
say - each time you successfully resist a tempting dessert or achieve a
goal, like a month of abstinence. Success tends to beget greater
success. If you do slip back into old patterns, avoid recriminations.
'Don't say, 'I can't do it,'' says Marlatt. 'People make mistakes. If
you keep working at it, you will get better over time. That's what the
research shows.'
For some people, trying to moderate bad habits is not achievable or
takes more effort than abstaining altogether - as the philosopher Saint
Augustine put it, 'Complete abstinence is easier than perfect
moderation.' Recognizing this by trying and failing can also be a
critical step toward behavior change.
5. Get Better Friends
Consciously and unconsciously, people tend to imitate those around
them. That's why the latest research shows that things like happiness, quitting smoking
and obesity can spread like a contagion through social networks. So,
surround yourself with friends who can also be role models. 'Make sure
that people you hang out with are people who look and act the way you
would like to. Social imitation is the easiest form not only of
flattery but of self-improvement,' says Stanton Peele, author of Seven Tools to Beat Addiction.
Social support is
critical to changing all kinds of behavior. Good friends can not only
help you through slip-ups, but they can also help keep your New Year's resolution from taking over your life. Rather than obsessing about what you shouldn't
be doing, think about things you should, experts say. The distraction
will help you curb bad habits. 'Focus on your higher goals and positive
activities, things that both sustain you and fill your life,' says
Peele. If you regularly engage in meaningful activities that give you
pleasure - whether it's visiting friends, picking up a hobby, taking a
class or doing volunteer work (one of the most overlooked sources of
personal joy and meaning is helping others) - you'll simply have less
time to crave or engage in the behavior that you want to reduce.
Source: TIME
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